Be More Alpha
Cocky Funny = Funny & Confident
Cocky Funny remarks are to build attraction and to show her that you have a healthy sense of humor. The point is not to be cocky funny but FUNNY & CONFIDENT. I do not really like Negs because newbies always end up insulting the girl. This game is an Awareness based
game that should be calibrated very carefully. If you see that she is being insulted, tone it down. If she is playfully hitting you and/or laughing, you are doing something right.
So, do not insult and do not piss her off. ALSO one more thing... You do not want to sound Arrogant! Too cocky can be bad. Don't over do it by being just the smart ass. If you also deliever cocky funny line without a smile, you dont project teasing humor.
Remember to reward good behaviour such as a commpliment. Example: If she says, "I like your hair." You can say, "Well thank you. My hair likes you too!" (Obvious IOI continue talking to her). Another is "You are cute." You can reply with,
"Thank you. You are not that bad looking yourself If I wasn't here I think you would be the cutest one here in this room. "
IOI for IOI. IOD for IOD. When she asks a question like If she is building rapport, you give a straight answer
Rapport building questions:
What’s your name?
Where do you like to go?
What’s your fav. music?
Where do you live
When she is trying to qualify you, you don’t give a straight answer. This is where Cocky Funny comes in hand!
What do you do?
What car do you drive?
How old are you?
In this case you give crazy answers,
I am a Part-time ninja and male dancer ...or underwear model
I drive a coach bus. Parking is a bitch
I am 69yrs old. /or I stoped counting at 69!
The one's I always use are
-Bartender! Check please! (If she says something stupid. You dont have to be at a bar to do this one)
-Bartender! Cut her off please! (Making the hand gesture in the neck are "Cut it out" Insinuating that she is drunk. You dont have to be at a bar to do this one)
-Help help this lady is trying to kidnap me (No need to yell. Just look around as if you were yelling)
-Security! Take her away!
-LOOK, I like you but you should be more honest with me!
-You are fired
-NEXT! (From that Next bus. Just yell NEXT)
-Remind me to call my assistant for that..
-I dont want no beef, I'm a veggitarian!
-I look at her like she just farted or if she smells really bad. (This is when she gives me a shit test. such as, can you buy me a drink?)
-I look at her and simply ask her, "Whats wrong with you baby?" I can add, "Oh, you are used to tools buying you drinks all the time! Look there is one right there, maybe we can get him to buy both of us a drink"
-You big flirt!
-Stop hitting on me you are making me nervous /or blush (With a smirk on your face. Not said nervously)
-Oh Stop it
-I thought you were cool!
-Is that all you got?
-do people ever believe what you say?!
-Does this ever work for you?! (When she is asking for something from you)
-It is ok, nobody saw that
-It's ok, I wont tell people where we met
-oh oh oh (Pretending to be in pain) YOU got me! (Then laugh like laughing at her)
-Awww you are so cute, you are actually trying
-I dont kiss on the first date
-You been put in the friend zone
Her: I put you on the friend zone first.
Me: I'm so glad we are both on the same page. I can tell Your exboyfriend didnt spank you enough
-Thank you, Thank you, I'll be here all night (After saying somethin funny Pretending I have an audince behind her)
-She asks where I work I reply guess. Then I tell her that I deliver bannanas to the zoo. "It is a rewarding feeling. Seeing the monkeys faces as I drive up, they smile. Think about it, THEY GO BANNANAS"
-I got you nervous didn't I (When she's clumsy)
-I tend to have that affect on girls all the time. I gotta stop doing that
-You have just earned a gold star today! Great job! Keep it up and you might earn your way up to a happy meal!
-You cant get the Huge price at Chucky Cheese with just one ticket missy!
-You are KINDA cute
-You look KINDA smart (KIND OF)
-You are not THAT bad
I always do a third person remark loud enough so she can hear like "Note to self, do not date this girl"
-Note to self, she doesnt know how to cook. (Pretending to write on my palm)
-Wait, before we go any further, do you know how to cook? or Are you a great kisser? cuz if not, this isn't going to work out!
-I'm a huge flirt I know. I'm gonna get in trouble one of these days. I gotta stop doing that
-Only because I flirt alot doesnt mean I'm easy.
-I don't kiss on the first date (Smile, she knows it is BS)
-Alright, you are losing me (Let my head drop and pretend to snore)
-Gooooood night Zzzzzzz (Saying she is boring or said something dumb)
-You been put on probation
-You are happy now? You broke it!
-I know you are but what am I?
-Definate maybe
-I know. But I'm fun! (After she says, you are a punk or something like that)
-Ladies first (When to my advantage)
-You are doing just fine
-When ever you are ready
-I've tried that line. It doesn't work
-I'm gonna use that line
-When pigs fly
-You promise?! (Pretending to be exigted)
-Who? Do I know her? (When she uses a big word you dont know about. exp Serendipity)
-Oh no you didn't! (Snaping fingers)
-Oh hell nah, don't make me take off my weive!
-I'm shy (When you are obviously flirting with her)
-I like you, you are shy (When she is talking to much)
-Pinch me, I must be dreaming (Laughing Dramaticly speaking)
-Just be yourself. You dont have to impress me. I like you already
-HELLOOOO, My eyes are up here not down by my zipper! Geez!
-You dropped your helmet
-Keep your hands to your self missy! Put them in your pockets!
-You are such a sweatheart, You are going to cook for me? (You are going to... Doesnt matter what she said)
-Put on your ear muffs (Pretending to talk smack about her. /or you are saying a fake rumor about her)
-Akward! (Teasing her that she said something dumb)
-American idol has nothing on you! lol (After she sings)
-Here we go again!
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************NEW ONES SECTION: I WILL ADD MORE EVERY WEEK*******************
-Sooooo glad... That's over! /or I am soooo Happy to be here! lol
-pffffft. who are you trying to kid?
-I'll think about it
-Oh GOD please enlighten her (looking up at the sky)
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These I got from the community. I got them from all over the web. So please feel free to add a credit where due.
Any movie quotes like "Hello, Hello McFly"
her: my name is sara
me: oh cool, i know 3 other sara’s i’ll call u sarah4.
me: did u know that 93% of women masturbate in the shower and 7% sing……do u know what they sing?
her: no
me: ahhh u must be one of the ones that masturbates then
me: ur cute like my lil sister.
me: ur such a dork
me: u don;t get out much do ya?
me: (if she drops or spills somethin) see this is why we cant have nice things babe.
me: its ok u don;t have to be so nervous/shy around me
me: wow i feel bad for ur parents.
me: gimme a kiss on my cheek and mabye i’ll let u forgive me.
me: im too high maintenance for u
me: ur backl to square one with me missy!
me: its like watchin the view right now
me: isn’t this a school night?
me: woh anymore of that and im gonna have to charge u….and u know what…..(lean in and lower tone) u couldnt afford me
me: wow give this girl an inch she thinks shes a ruler
me: (after a date) i’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening……..but this wasnt it.
me: do ppl take an instant dilike to u? cuz they could save so much time.
me: ur table manners give vultures a bad name.
me: i’ve seen better arguments in a bowl of alphabet soup.
me: ur twice the man he is.
me: if they can make penecillin out of mouldy bread they sure can make somethin useful outta u.
me: u have a contagious laugh…..ppl get sick when they hear it.
me: we’d make good friends…we’d stab each other in the front.
me: (girl asked me to buy her somethin while shopping) i’d like to buy u somethin nice to put around ur neck…………a rope perhaps?
me: lets ask someone tats gonna give me a slighly more educated, intellectual decision………….hello wall what do u think?
me: iono who ur borefriend is but hes obviously not spankin u enough.
me: (to rest of set normally put my arms around her while doin this) I like this one…..is she potty trained?
me: we would be great together….we’re sooo donkey punch compatible!
me: (while checkin out her jewelry) wow its just amazing what u can find in cracker jack boxes these days!!
me: r u just tryin to get me drunk to get in my pants?
me: im not just a piece of meat ok!! i have feelings too!
me: im soooo out of ur leauge.
me: (shes shit testing u too much) u have a really strong personality, were u beaten as a child?
me: wow u are sooo special!……………did u leave ur helmut at home tonight?
me: girls sits next to me) woh watchout i bite…mostly around the neck area but sometimes i nibble on the lips.
me: (open a 1 set) ok listen u have to mins to impress me……..andddddd…..(check watch)……….go.
“Are we going to do that in public, cause i didn’t bring out my camera”
her:what do you do in free time?
me:i`m babysitting,…..that`s why i`m with you now.
her:HI
me:no i`m not… but i have to say drugs are not good for you either.
her: hows my hair
me: maybe you should ask Donald Trump for some tips.
And you were doing so well until then … i’m gonna go over there now …
uh… yeah… ok… and your point IS? (said w/ knowing smirk)
man… everyone's looking at you… because your with me
Look I would love to agree with you. But I hate
being wrong
Her: How are you?
You: I’ve been told I’m pretty damn good! *Wink*
if she ever needs to apologise I just say, you owe me and point to my cheek. If she doesn't come in to kiss me,
I say, “Woah woah, I meant you owe me an apology!”
Her: How was your summer?
Me: Overall pretty good except I gained 182 pounds, went to jail, and had to hire a hitman to stop all the women who were stalking me (remember that lines don’t do any good if they aren’t aligned with your belief system and body language)
Maybe, as long as you don’t take advantage of me:P
It's like pulling teeth
If she gives you any canned insult: you’re gay, stupid, lame, etc
me: good one, in what grade did you learn that one
her: shutup!
me: that one was first grade right?
her: starts anything else
me: -interrupt- (start using any first grader talk) fart-face, smelly-butt, etc. but in a very serious way
-After today...I...dont...know! (After what you did, I dont know if I want to see you again!)
If she asks you a favor, ask her what you will get in exchange
I am high-maintance. You have to wine me and dine me...
Me: I wasn’t expecting to meet someone beutiful tonight
She: Thanks
Me: mmm but, maybe I will
Me: You look nice
She: Thanks
Me: If I weren’t here, I would say you are the sexiest person in this room.
Oh so u have a BF?
Her: yea
Me: Great! Now we finally have someone who can make us breakfast!
I thought there were going to be hot women here. You seen any around? (Not an openner)
She (out of the blue): can i ask you a question?
Me (sigh): YES, i’m single
Alicia: What are you doing tonight.
Me: I’m going to (place) and doing (activity) with Alicia.
Her: [Tries to be funny]
Me: [Pretending to Yell] Everyone … everyone stop what you are doing … (her name) just told a joke!
Me: Has anyone ever told you you talk too much?
Her: Yes
Me: Yeah, well they shouldnt have… (This is great specially if she is quiet)
There’s no special treatment for semi-cute girls.
"I'm too toxic for you. I'm bad influence on you."
"You gotta buy me a drink before you hit on me like that"
Wow, your the coolest person I’ve met in the past five minutes. You're my new best friend. Just do me a favor and don’t tell my mom that we met in a bar.
You have feelings? when did this happen?
No rushes plzzz… One at a time… Or else I’ll charge u guys…
Her: I have a boyfriend
Me: That’s alright, I’m not the Jealous type
Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Jessica Alba (could be anyone)
Her: No
Me: oh, that’s only cause you don’t (with smile)
me: your arms are hairy
her: (laugh)
me: you should shave them just like you shave your legs
you do shave your legs dont you? (If she says No, you can add, "I love French women Rrrrrh")
If a girl makes any physical advance on you at all such as: hug, kiss, hold hands (be creative)
you: you know,… I usually charge for that.
“yah im kinda a big deal”
“wow you actually got to hang out with me, there is usually a waiting list”
Me: Are you one of these aggressive local girls I keep meeting?
Girl: No!
Me: Are you sure? You look quite aggressive…
Girl: (laughing) Shut up! (punches me in the arm)
Me: (clutching my arm pretending to be in real pain) See, I knew you were aggressive!
HER: How old are you?
ME: Good question…i stopped counting at 69
HER: Hahaha, For an old geezer you look pretty good.
ME: *sigh* what a lame pick up line, how young are you?
If she’s older then me:
HER: You’re such a charmer, too bad you’re too young for me.
ME: That’s okay “grandma”, i’ll change your daiper, you change mine. I believe in equality in a relationship.
HER: Hahaha, grandma?! (slap on the arm or they just crack up. wich i then proceed to my stern face and continue the next topic)
-If she asks you to guess her age…
-answer: Do you want me to guess HIGH or Low?
-you’re just planning to use me for my body and throw me away later, right? i don’t trust women anymore
” oh poor baby is throwing a tantrum ”
“I know honey….it hard….” (Act Simpathetic)
When u tell her a joke and she doesn’t laugh cause she didn’t get it:
“You’ll get that one TOMMAROW moring… (then keep repeating tommarow in an exaterated voice till she laughes if she didn’t already)”
Me: I kinda feel bad
Her: Why?
Me: I caused an accident today
Her: How?
Me: Some girl was driving while checking me out, and she crashed into a pole!
I didn't know rolex made plastic watches
me: hi, so tell me how long do you planing to stay in my town this summer?
her: 2 mounts.
me: WHAT???!!!!Aha i know what your plan is, you will stay here for me, but you`ll need 2 years!
her: why 2?
me: Because i`m not that easy
Nice……..You Buy that new?
When they bump you "Did you just grab my ass……..Damn"
I could marry a woman like you. (Be serious)…. I'd divorce you a week later and take half you money.
(When complimented) Well thank you but Can't you come back with something more original gosh!?
No I'm not going home with you. Why don't you buy me a drink first. Then, we will see?
Aren't you going to open the door for me?
What's your problem? (Confused face not upset)
I think I need to get in touch with my inner lesbian. I'd probably spend too much on batteries though.
Serious. Oh so is this the part where your gonna give me your little opinion oh that's so cute. ok go ahead.
When she says. As if (seriously) reply "isn't that cute"
Old enough to answer a question like that.
Misinterpret everything and tell her to back off
ha, ha… takes one to know one
uh, you’re saying that like it’s a problem
Suspisiuos question. Say how old are you quickly
(Disses my stuff) thanks for noticing.
“I’ll give you ’till tomorrow to figure that one out…might have gone over your head.”
Yes your ass looks fat in those pants
I was on the phone with your mom
What gave you the idea that we were?
Why are you bringing up sex for the first time. What are you frustrated?
Why do you wan't to learn how? Are you bisexual
I just call it like it is
Fake emotions are classic
Act offended (Exagerate playfully)
Call me don't make plans after (1st be open to possibilities)
Misinterpret everything
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.
I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter
I'll be nicer if you give me chocolate.
Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon
Two billion years of evolution and that's what you come up with
Do they ever shut up on your planet
Don't worry. I forgot your name too
I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
I have decided to live forever, or die in the attempt
If God had intended man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
Save your breath
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
...Some jokes...
Money can't buy everything... but then again neither can no money.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka
The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
"Thank you for the applause, it is so nice to get it at the beginning - as I seldom do at the end.."
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.
I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce
Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon
Two billion years of evolution and that's what you come up with
Do they ever shut up on your planet
"Look, just because you're being sweet to me doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you. You thought I was THAT easy? Come on!"
(with women at work or women working somewhere) "How can you possibly get any work done when you're flirting with me all the time? I know I'm a stud and all but if you lose your job, don't think I'm going to support you!"
(after seeing a woman) "I know we had fun, but please don't become a stalker and call me 50 times a day"
(how are you?) " Well, I've been told I'm pretty damn good!"
(If she makes fun of herself) Her: " I'm such a retard" or "My hair looks awful" or " My lipstick doesn't look good does it?"
You: " Well, I didn't want to say anything!"
OR
Her: " My hair looks bad doesn't it?"
You: " You can say that again!" (with a playful tone)
" I have to go and get ready." (where are you going?) " You're taking me for a drink" .
Her: "Does my hair look better up or down?"
You: " It looks bad both ways"
Her: "HEY!" *punch* etc..
"You can keep being cold, but I know that deep down, you love me."
(What kind of woman do you respect?) "Ones that don't ask a lot of questions."
(asks you what your plans are for X day) "NO, you CAN'T take me to Vegas and marry me!" Can lead to Vegas Wedding role-play.
" Does it upset you to be walking with such a sexy man because nobody is looking at you, and everyone's looking at me?"
" I know you want me for my sexy body, but I'm tired of feeling like just an object to women.
I'm tired of women always staring at me and wanting my body."
" I'm impressed. Normally, women like you are intimidated by my charm and good looks"
"On a scale of 1 to 10 that was about a ...2!”
“oh, really?”
“oh, yes?”
“hmmm.”
“wow, thats intense.”
“you can stop undressing me with your eyes, I’m not going to sleep with you tonight.”
(Customer service girl) " Wow, thanks for your help... I think this relationship is off to a good start."
(3rd party: So how do you two know each other?) " We're actually brother and sister." Then start fondling her and say " Our relationship is a bit incestuous."
(invitation to her place) "What?? I don't even know you and you want me at your place already? Sorry I'm not that easy. Whatever happened to the good old days when ladies invited guys for coffee first?"
"Look I know how you women are: First a little compliment, then phone number, then back to your place to check out your stereo...I'm not like that!"
"What makes you think I WANT to sleep with you?" (What??) "I think you need to change the battery on your Miracle Ear."
A good Cocky & Funny theme to follow is "You're screwing up your chances with me", "This relationship just isn't going to work" , " What did I tell you about this kind of behavior?" . In other words, you're communicating the very OPPOSITE of "You're a potential wife or girlfriend" .
A little harsh, but good if she's got a mega bitch-shield, " I'm hot and I know it" attitude. "You don't know what sexy is... look at you, you're trying too hard, you look like a little girl playing dress up. REAL sexiness doesn't come from wearing make up or tight clothes...you're probably even uncomfortable in those clothes...It comes from inside, being in touch with that natural woman inside of you..."
" Hey, what's with the big purse? You're not one of those women with a live dog named
"Precious" in there, are you?"
(You're crazy) " I'm a little unconventional…and I'm definitely NOT predictable! But I'm not crazy. Well, I can get a LITTLE crazy…in bed!"
"Look how happy you are to (hear from/ see/ be with) me! You LOVE me!"
"Hey, you're pretty smart…For a GIRL!"
"I could marry a woman like you." (really?) "I'd divorce you a week later and take half your money."
If she still lives at home, tease her about being grounded or having a curfew
C&F Responses to compliments
" Wow, you're really into me aren't you?
" Look, I'm not like other guys. This compliment thing isn't going to get you anywhere."
" Already starting with the compliments, huh? Look, let's just get this over with... go buy me the drink already."
" I'm not giving you my phone number, so just stop with the compliments."
" Come on, can't you at least think of something original to compliment me on?"
"I'm cute? You're cute too. What do you wanna do about it?"
(Nice shirt/ pants/ etc) " Thanks! Would you like to take it off me?"
(You're so _______) " Just giving the public what it wants."
(You're so _______) " I'm glad you noticed. I realize that this is making you very attracted to me, but please...control yourself."
(You have nice muscles) "You know, I'm really tired of you women treating me like some kind of piece of meat. I have feelings too, I'm not just a sex object."
(If she implies you're a gentleman) "Do you consider me GENTLE? I'll have to spank you more often then!"
"Caveman" C&F
"Cavemanning" is a form of playful physical teasing. It's basically cocky kinesthetics/ kino. It includes:
-Play fighting
-Giving her a light punch to her arm. If she punches back, "Owwwwww. That's my WEAK arm!!" This will really crack her up if you're very built.
-Hockey body checking her
-Picking up something small and swatting her with it! A napkin, straw, etc
-Flicking water at her
-Tickle attack!
-Slapping her butt if she's being a brat
-Throwing her over your shoulder and walking away with her ("I'm taking you home, you don't know how to act in public!")
If she's getting flustered and asks "Why I am talking to you??" "Because you LOVE me!" (blah blah denial) "Of course! I see it in your eyes!" (check her eyes, pull her eyelids down like a doctor) "Yup, it's pretty obvious".
"Hey did you know that they say you need 11 hugs a day to stay healthy?" Joke about her hug shortage, lack of physical contact, etc. Do a "massage-hug", then: "Ohhh…I don't know if you DESERVE a massage yet"
Overdoing it (Tyler Durden, Cliff's List)
Too much cockiness will make you look insecure and arrogant, and too much humor makes you look goofy. You also risk crossing the line into making her feel ridiculed. If C&F goes too far, immediately follow with " You know, I'm so sorry. I'm a total dick sometimes. People think I'm a dick sometimes, because I'm always messing around. I like you. You're like my bratty little sister. Sorry for being a dick." Say this *sincerely*, but from a position of authority. Like your vocal tonality isn't seeking approval in any way. Then follow it up with a field tested funny story to diffuse the tension.
TURNAROUND STRUCTURE
1- Don't acknowledge that she's even pissed. Don't show any facial expressions of reaction to her getting upset. Laugh it off, but in a way where you're not laughing to cover up discomfort. Like you think she's almost joking or teasing. This is important, because if she thinks you realized she was serious, it's natural psychology to be consistent to it and not let it go.
2- Interpret it like she just qualified herself to you, in the way that she showed that she can stick up for herself. Do this in a funny way, using funny mini-cold-reads or future adventures projections.
3- Give a brief sincere apology from a position of authority.
4- Follow up immediately with something funny or intriguing to distract her. "Change her mood not her mind." " I grew up with a sister, and teasing was a form of affection" "We're like Sam and Diane from Cheers"
" You know, that really bothers me, all those girls going after me, and they're only interested because of it, you know...I want to be appreciated for who I am, not for just my HUGE penis."
" It's not possible to be cute without being picked up ... sometimes I wish I wasn't so cute"
" If you don't like cute guys, just tell me!"
“Don’t touch! This shit isn’t for free.”
“I suggest you go change out of that dress before the fashion police come and arrest your booty.”
your messing up your chances with me
What ever happened to the good’ol days?
Because you touch yourself at night!
THIS WORKS TRUST ME
Her: (If she punches or hits you)
Me: Man, my dead grandma hits harder than you.
Me: Can I buy you a drink…or do you just want the money?
Slow down now! I have to find out if I like you.
“No one's ever speak to me like this”
How dare you speak to me in that tone missy.
Dont let me get south central (Ghetto) on yo ass!
Do you plan on getting married?
- Let’s just say that nobody can call you a smartass…
- (Knocking on the head – gently :P ) Knock, knock… no response..
Dialogue:
You- No,no you’re really smart!…at some parts…
Her- Like?
You- Well…ah…(look away or stride away)
- Did you ever listen in “the first grade”?
You didnt show up for the first day of kindergarden didn't you!
-Well, I'm still gonna tell you anyway
This might work:
You give her an old pick up line that she knows you are just fucking with her
"Me: so when we wake up at my place in the morning, how do you want your eggs… scrambled or fertilized?"
Lose the zero get with a hero
Me: so do u have any plans for the weekend?
Her: I’m not sure what I’m doing yet… What about u?
Me: I’ve got a pretty cool date planned. We’re gonna be going to such and such place and doing this and this (build it up)
Her: Oh… Sounds fun.
Me: yah it should be pretty cool. Youre probably wondering who the lucky girl is right? Well the one I have in mind is pretty cool. That’s actually exactly why I’m calling you.
she said something bitchy, “Blow me (not very classy I know but it fit in context) of fuuuuuck yooouuuu! lol
Triumph the insult dog
I'm sorry, I gotta get home to water my plants and so yeeeeaaaahhhhh I'm gonna get going now lol (Don't take her shit!)
I'd love to go out with you but my favorite commercial is playing on TV
***These are only examples. Don't copy anyone just be yourself. Come up with your own. Verbal is only 7% of projection.***